By see, I don't mean like how I would see a person. It's almost as if my mind registers someone there without my eyes actually seeing them. I realize that they may not be physically present, but they are there. It would make me think I'm schizophrenic if it weren't for the fact that I'm aware of just how insane it sounds. Today, it was as I was coming out of the shower. As I pulled the curtain back, I "saw" a woman standing in front of me, one of her eyes had a bullet hole in it.
Despite having seemingly "good" spirits trying to get a hold of me, I have a sense of darkness every once in a while following me. Last night, it came to a head when Cami saw a red mouth and red eyes in the bathroom. I took her rosary (which is blessed) and went in. I felt an overwhelming sense of dread. "In the name of Jesus Christ, I command you to get the hell out of here!" I said, sternly. I heard an eerie whooshing sound. As I started talking to Cami more about it, I heard a growl. I turned around to see a dreadfully familiar face: a featureless child with red eyes, and sharp teeth.
Cami had seen it before, as well as I have when I had a PTSD blackout. Before anyone says anything about this, I will get to this in a minute. As I turned around, I said, "So you finally decided to show up!" As I prayed and tried to get it out of my home, I heard its voice ask a bizarre question. I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't hear the fear in its voice.
"Why aren't you afraid?"
While I didn't think it then, I had to ask afterwards: "It didn't think I was afraid?" I have seen what demons can do, and the picture below (Paranormal Investigator Zak Bagans after being scratched by a demon inBobby Mackey's Music World) is light in comparison.
Then you have the possession cases such as the most infamous one that comes to my mind, Anneliese Michel, whose story has been told and retold several times. A word of warning: Do not listen to the exorcism audio. I do not promote the listening to any exorcism audio, nor casually saying the names of demons in vain as this could invite dark forces inside. I have not listened to the audio, either. If what I'm going through is paranormal, the last thing I want to do is let something inside that I don't want inside of me. I also would not want that to happen to anyone, no matter how much they believe or not.Now, consider this. Demons have been known to go into not only people who have crisis of faith, but those who have been baptized as well as atheists. As far as I have known, nothing stops them once they are invited in. If this was real, for a demon to be confused and frightful, asking me why I wasn't scared, is extraordinarily frightening.
Since this has started again, I have been going deeper into my faith. I am a Catholic, and I have been praying that God will protect me and Cami from the evil forces that try to get in. It's good to see that the prayers aren't in vain.
The rats, though, have different reactions. Henry and Louis were spitting and protecting their territory, facing a wall. Cami saw a woman in white standing in front of my mirror. We even woke up seeing some of our dead rats crawling around the dresser. Last night, though, just before going to bed, I felt something that startled me. A little girl grabbed my hand, even though one wasn't there.
I have suffered Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for a few years, and suffered depression. But, I haven't had these for 16 years. The more I go back to what I have seen, I'm realizing that I've repressed something. The fact that I've been feeling happier after accepting these events, which causes them to increase, is confusing. I haven't had a blackout in a month, and the activity is increasing. It feels as if a block as been lifted and everything is coming through at once.
And, to be honest, it scares the hell out of me.
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