"It's Not a Good Idea To Look For Scary Things, Tommy!"

Last night was eventful to say the least. Between the rats acting like they've seen a ghost (which, being more sensitive to them, they probably did), to Cami seeing what appeared to be a demon in the bathroom, to feeling a little girl grab my hand... there was just a lot of weird things going on. It doesn't help that I've been hearing more voiced, and now, I'm starting to see things.

By see, I don't mean like how I would see a person. It's almost as if my mind registers someone there without my eyes actually seeing them. I realize that they may not be physically present, but they are there. It would make me think I'm schizophrenic if it weren't for the fact that I'm aware of just how insane it sounds. Today, it was as I was coming out of the shower. As I pulled the curtain back, I "saw" a woman standing in front of me, one of her eyes had a bullet hole in it.

Despite having seemingly "good" spirits trying to get a hold of me, I have a sense of darkness every once in a while following me. Last night, it came to a head when Cami saw a red mouth and red eyes in the bathroom. I took her rosary (which is blessed) and went in. I felt an overwhelming sense of dread. "In the name of Jesus Christ, I command you to get the hell out of here!" I said, sternly. I heard an eerie whooshing sound. As I started talking to Cami more about it, I heard a growl. I turned around to see a dreadfully familiar face: a featureless child with red eyes, and sharp teeth.

Cami had seen it before, as well as I have when I had a PTSD blackout. Before anyone says anything about this, I will get to this in a minute. As I turned around, I said, "So you finally decided to show up!" As I prayed and tried to get it out of my home, I heard its voice ask a bizarre question. I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't hear the fear in its voice.

"Why aren't you afraid?"

While I didn't think it then, I had to ask afterwards: "It didn't think I was afraid?" I have seen what demons can do, and the picture below (Paranormal Investigator Zak Bagans after being scratched by a demon inBobby Mackey's Music World) is light in comparison.

Then you have the possession cases such as the most infamous one that comes to my mind, Anneliese Michel, whose story has been told and retold several times. A word of warning: Do not listen to the exorcism audio. I do not promote the listening to any exorcism audio, nor casually saying the names of demons in vain as this could invite dark forces inside. I have not listened to the audio, either. If what I'm going through is paranormal, the last thing I want to do is let something inside that I don't want inside of me. I also would not want that to happen to anyone, no matter how much they believe or not.

Now, consider this. Demons have been known to go into not only people who have crisis of faith, but those who have been baptized as well as atheists. As far as I have known, nothing stops them once they are invited in. If this was real, for a demon to be confused and frightful, asking me why I wasn't scared, is extraordinarily frightening.

Since this has started again, I have been going deeper into my faith. I am a Catholic, and I have been praying that God will protect me and Cami from the evil forces that try to get in. It's good to see that the prayers aren't in vain.

The rats, though, have different reactions. Henry and Louis were spitting and protecting their territory, facing a wall. Cami saw a woman in white standing in front of my mirror. We even woke up seeing some of our dead rats crawling around the dresser. Last night, though, just before going to bed, I felt something that startled me. A little girl grabbed my hand, even though one wasn't there.

I have suffered Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for a few years, and suffered depression. But, I haven't had these for 16 years. The more I go back to what I have seen, I'm realizing that I've repressed something. The fact that I've been feeling happier after accepting these events, which causes them to increase, is confusing. I haven't had a blackout in a month, and the activity is increasing. It feels as if a block as been lifted and everything is coming through at once.

And, to be honest, it scares the hell out of me.

Sixteen Years Ago

Sixteen Years Ago, I was in the fifth grade. Just before the summer break ended, a local girl was reported missing, and I was concerned for the fact that there maybe someone kidnapping and killing children, and my younger brother was close to her age. She was found dead in a water pit in a foundry. The initial thought was that she was raped and murdered due to the fact that she was in the water for that long. Early the next month, school had started, and I was losing sleep.

Luckily for me, my fifth grade teacher (God rest his soul) was not only a good teacher, getting lessons done quickly to give us extra study time, he was understanding of my sleep issues. I had fallen asleep in class, and he didn't wake me up.

I had the first dream, then. I saw two people having sex, an older, thin male with long scraggly hair, and a larger blonde woman. At the time, I didn't know what they were doing, other than "hugging" on the couch. I heard my own voice, only it was a little girl. "Mommy?"

The woman shoved the man off of her, screaming at me. She reached for a weapon, an arm cast from a prior injury, and hit me repeatedly. "I gave you life, I can take it away!" she screamed as she beat me with her cast, then a wrench, and finally stomping on me. The man stood there, holding his pants up, staring. I eventually blacked out, and woke up underwater, watching as cement, wrought iron, and bricks fell on top of me. I blacked out again. This time, when I woke up, I was in school, and a girl was shaking me awake. "It's lunch time," she said. All I could think of was that my face hurt like hell.

I had recognized the woman from my dream as the missing girl's mother. I told my family, but they told me it was a coincidence due to fear. In my family, psychics and ghosts were either fake, or the work of the devil. "Hell," my dad said, "if psychics are so damn good, why didn't they find her body in the river like they predicted?" A week later, the missing girl's mother had confessed to murder. The details that were released were that she beat her daughter with an arm cast, and, with her neighbor who she was having sex with, buried her body in a foundry pit with debris.

Those of you who live in the Dayton area may remember this case. Those who don't live in the Dayton area, I filled you in on the basics, except for the names. It may sound all too familiar, still.

Sixteen years ago this coming August, I had a dream that I was Samantha Ritchie, and my mother killed me. This week, I started hearing Samantha's voice in my right ear. I delved back into the research and found details of the case that I didn't know about from the press until two days ago. The wrench, the stomping, even the neighbor holding his pants as he watched her mother murder her. I'm also finding out for the first time that the psychics were on the right path; she was found in water. Yes, they were thinking Mad River and Eastwood Lake, but who would have thought of looking in a flooded foundry? Search dogs found her on a routine scan, from the sounds of it. But, she was in water.

I have tried to repress this in my mind for sixteen years. But, after seeing bizarre phenomena involving pet rats that I have lost, and seeing a friend's dead cat run in front of his house, I had started hearing Samantha's voice again. She asked me, "Is Mommy still mad at me?" She then continues, "I miss Daddy." But, it's the last one that makes me question if it is really her: "Can I play with the rats again?" If it is her, why ask that? If it is her, why follow me? Why did I start showing a sudden interest in the case again, even though I know how it ended?

Most importantly, if she is following me, why now?